It is still kind of hush hush, but it appears that T.E. is making an attempt to bring Johnny Damon to what he believes is his home.

We did however think it was bit much for Theo to pull out his old bike from his parent’s attic and attempt to ride it over to Detroit. “I am getting my basket ready for Johnny.” He said. “It might be a tad cool out, so I brought a blanky to keep him warm, if he decides to come back.”

One onlooker who claims he doesn’t have a name talked about what he saw.

“So I see T.E. running through the neighborhood at full speed. He was wearing a red hoodie and Chuck Taylor sneakers while holding a lollipop.” He said. “He kept screaming (John-ny Phone Home! John-ny Phone Home) Then I saw him trying to round up some kids on their bikes. I immediately contacted their mommies to let them know what T.E. was up to.” Said Mr. No Name.

We believe that Theo was indeed planning to go get Johnny, but does Johnny want to go back to a bunch of Neanderthal dumbhead fans?

Here is what he said:

"I had a great time playing there," Damon said. "But I think once it was apparent that I wasn't a necessity to re-sign there, it started to get ugly. And that's why I've got to think long and hard. I have to think if they have a strong chance to make the playoffs with (all of their injuries)."

If he does decide to go to Boston, I won’t know what to think. I would rather play in the Gaza Strip, than Detroit, so I guess I really can’t blame him. But Boston? (Don't worry, I checked Google Analytics and we don't have many fans in Detroit or the Gaza Strip.)

You better think hard Johnny. This decision will make or break you.

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I’ve been following baseball a really long time, especially in the great state of New York. You know Sinatra once said if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. I don’t really know what that means. I’ve lived here a long time, but I’d have to think it’s a lot tougher to make it in Beirut or Belgrade, or Belfast, or one of those other ‘B’ named cities, but that’s just me. Back to baseball.

I can remember cheering my heart out as a kid for the Rochester Broncos. When I was in elementary school, I even wrote a paper about them. That was in 1890. Sadly they only lasted the one season. I even remember the first autograph I ever got as a kid too. It was Tris Speaker. Boy he was a nice guy, he gave me a lollipop. In fact, I’ve been following baseball so long I can actually remember when Louisville Sluggers were actually made in Louisville Kentucky. Now they produce most of the equipment for the great American past time in China.

Now, I’m a Yankees fan, and it seems they always have a good team. The Yankees have a long and storied tradition of winning. 27 championships in all. That’s pretty darn good. But they’ve been around for a hundred-years which means they haven’t won the whole shebang about 70 times , so there’s room for improvement.

Now, compare them to the Pittsburgh Pirates who are never any good. You know, I once lost my wallet in Pittsburgh. The Yankees spend a lot of money, some 200 million on payroll to be exact. I guess the more you spend, the better you should be. But maybe not. I know I can’t tell the difference between the 6 dollar star bucks coffee and the 2 dollar crap my wife makes at home. Maybe you can.

Then there’s ticket prices. The Yankees have a brand new stadium and I wanted to see if I could catch a game. I went onto one of those computer thingies to find some cheap tickets. The cheapest ones I could find were almost 300 dollars. When I was a kid I could get a cab ride to the game, have two front row seats, a small popcorn, and a large pop for a couple of nickels, and I’d expect some change. Heck now they even charge for bottles of water. I used to think water was free.

Speaking of money, what’s the deal with AJ Burnett? He signed a contract to make 82 million dollars over five years. So much for a recession. But this year he’s got a record of 9-11 and has an ERA close to 5 runs a game. That’s almost 2 million a win, and over 2 million a loss. I wish I had his agent.

Right now the Yankees are battling the Tampa Rays for the division. I can remember a time when Florida wasn’t even a state, it was a territory of Spain. Last night they beat the Mariners 10-0. That’s a lot of offense. I saw the score and didn’t know if it was a baseball or a football game. That never would have happened back in the day. I refuse to call it the ‘Dead Ball’ era, that’s a little too morbid. I guess all the runs now can be attributed to steroids.

Which brings me to this Roger Clemens issue. A man once referred to as the Rocket is now being accused of lying to congress and faces jail time. Funny, if people who are actually IN congress faced jail time whenever one of THEM lied, Washington DC would be empty, and Alca- Traz would be full. Do they still use that?

Joba Chamberlain can’t seem to get anybody out. From bullpen to projected ace of the staff, he never seems to get it done. I wonder if he’s related to that other Jabba I remember, that big slug from the Star Wars movie. Ewww, he was creepy.

Remember George Herman Ruth? His nickname was ‘Babe’. They called Edward Ford by his nickname ‘Whitey’. Now there’s Alex Rodriguez, who goes by ‘A-Rod’. I wish I had a cool nickname like that. Maybe from now on, I could go by ‘A-Roo’.

Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick.......

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Monday
NYY: Nova (0-0, 0.00 ERA)
TOR: Morrow (9-6, 4.45 ERA)

Tuesday
NYY: Moseley (3-2, 4.76 ERA)
TOR: Rzepczynski (1-1, 4.76 ERA)

Wednesday
NYY: Hughes (15-5, 3.90 ERA)
TOR: Cecil (10-6, 3.90 ERA)

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It was a great weekend to go to a Yankee game at the Stadium.

It all started with brisk walk to the Subway through the humid streets on NYC. It was a pleasant walk as the city wasn't as crowded, jack hammers weren't jacking, smokers weren't blowing their smoke in your face and people weren't walking at an angle as you tried and pass them.

Yes, everything is a little different on Saturdays. As I approached the Subway wearing my (Bronx Goblin T-Shirt) , I noticed even it wasn't as hot or crowded. This had the makings for a perfect day to take the 4 train up to 161st street.

I knew it was too good to be true.

As I sat down on the train, three douche bag "Jersey Shore" type idiots were sitting across from me and were heading to the game. No big deal I thought, except if you are one that always judges a book by its cover. I sure hope I am wrong this time. But alas, I am right on the money once again.

Here is what the conversation went like:

Douche Bag #1 - I think I know a short cut to get to the stadium.

Douche Bag #2 - Where?

Douche Bag #1 - We hop off the 4 train and then hop on the 6 (which were both running on the same track at this point, hence taking more time in the end but I stayed quiet as a bed bug).

Douche Bag #3 - Ok sounds good. Last time I was here, I got into a wicked bar fight at Stans. I drank two 40's on the way to the game. I guess that didn't help.

Douche Bag #2- That's awesome. I hope we get into a fight today. You know, all three of us together?

(And here is when they started to rattle off wrong Yankees stats and as my friend Ross pointed out, there is always one leader idiot who thinks he knows the most out of the idiots. He feels like it's his duty to correct the other fools with even more wrong information.)

Douche Bag #1- That would be awesome. I heard Arod isn't playing today. I mean the guy makes 27 million and he can't play today? That's bull S#!^.

Douche Bag #2 - No, he's playing. He played last night. (He did play, but pulled up limp with a calf injury. NOT playing today) He'll bat 3rd as usual behind Tex.

Douche Bag #3 - Tex bats 4th moron. I wish we could go to the shore after the game. It's gonna be off the hook tonight.

As you can see, the dialogue could go on forever. Long story short, I got off the train at Yankee stadium. Keep in mind, they transferred on the subway to take a short cut. I waited outside for a good 25 minutes before going into the stadium only to see them show up 25 minutes after me.

Awesome shortcut guys.

Bed Bugs are the biggest craze since (Silly Bandz) .

Yes that's right, it seems as if everyone in NYC is talking about Bed Bugs. Bed Bugs are the new Jersey Shore. If they were a song, they would be California Gurls by Katy Perry. If they were a company with a terrible reputation, they would be BP.

It seems like we can't get enough news on bed bugs. Apparently, bed bugs don't only like beds. They like couches, movies, water skiing, hiking, mojito's, sushi, and now Javier Vazquez.

We couldn't find a doctor on such short notice to tell us his opinion on Javier Vazquez, so we turned to the only person we could get on such short notice. Exterminator Bert McBuginson, from "Bert's Bugs."

We asked Bert a few questions about Javier, to get an idea what the Bug is going on.

"Well Mr. Goblin, the evidence is quite clear. He has bed bugs sleeping at his apartment" he said.

"Really" we asked, how is that possible?

"Well, if you notice, Javy has a tired shoulder. This is a direct cause of not getting enough sleep. Clearly, his shoulder wouldn't be tired if he slept more. The reason for the lack of sleep is obvious. Bed bugs." he said matter-of-factly.

We asked Bert a question about the Bed Bug hysteria. "It seems that you exterminators are sending out dogs all over the place to sniff out bed bugs and they bark or sit down when they find them. Don't dogs just do that anyways... because that's what dogs do? Don't you think you are scarring a lot of people into thinking they have bed bugs, so you can use your vacuums and hair dryers to get rid of bugs that aren't even there? Are you praying off of fear to make money?"

A very nervous and rattled Bert responded. "Um [cough, no eye contact] that is an outrageous claim. Our dogs are um, trained by the best bed bugs around. This interview is over!!!."

Bert stormed out of the room and we are left to wonder what is really wrong with Javy.

Friday
SEA: Hernandez (8-10, 2.62 ERA)
NYY: Burnett (9-10, 4.66 ERA)

Saturday
SEA: Vargas (9-5, 3.15 ERA)
NYY: Vazquez (9-9, 4.89 ERA)

Sunday
SEA: French (2-3, 4.02 ERA)
NYY: Sabathia (16-5, 3.12 ERA)

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Clemens said that any evidence, such as syringes provided by McNamee, his former trainer, that allegedly link him to the use of steroids or human growth hormone cannot exist.

"Impossible, because he's never given me any," Clemens said. "He's never given me HGH or any performance-enhancing drugs."

But, our very own spy squirrel Richard begs to differ.

The picture above was taken by Richard back in the day. His findings can't be confirmed, but really... Who wouldn't believe a squirrel with a camera? You would have to be a complete idiot to think otherwise.

Rusty Hardin, Clemens’s lawyer, who will probably be canned after his poor performance, has previously contradicted statements, made by Waxman, that his client was offered a chance not to testify.

At a news conference Thursday, Hardin said: “Roger is looking forward to his day in court. He is happy this has finally happened.”

Maybe he shouldn't have been looking too hard for his day in court.

I don't quite understand all of this mumbo jumbo court talk, but it doesn't seem like a good thing.

In other news, Richard the squirrel is looking to give Carl Pigeonson a run for his money in covering news stories. We love a good clean competition.

(Richard in action)

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Alex Rodriguez was out of the Yankees' lineup tonight and will most likely miss a couple of games with tightness in his calf.

"I'm not concerned. I'm going to be fine," Rodriguez said. "Right now, we have good news. We don't want to prolong it or make it a more serious situation."

We did however find it strange that this story is about his calf and he also coincidentally has a baby calf in the picture above. Not to mention he has a real fancy red shirt and a pair of vintage "mom" jeans on.

"My calf's name is Jonesy and I got him as part of Hope Week." Arod said.

Part of Hope Week?

"Yes, it was a farmer from Utica NY that wanted me to have his calf as part of Hope week and give him a good home." Arod said while rubbing noses with the calf.

We were a little suspicious of this story, as it didn't make any sense at all. Why would a farmer want a baseball player from NYC to take care of a baby cow?

Then we found the calf's picture on a milk carton noting that he was missing. This really got us wondering. Who puts a missing calf's picture on a milk carton?

It turns out that the baby calf went missing around 11:30am, which coincides with a farmer's police report of some "cow tipping" and "calf stealing" going on at his farm.

We just got word from a completely unreliable source that the investigation may get a little bit more intense. Apparently, the baseball commissioner will exhaust all resources and spend billions of dollars to look into this non-news story, like he always does.

I would stay glued to Bronx Goblin if I was you.

Yankees win 9-5

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It's that time again folks. Put down your Pens, ignore your boss and let's get into some Balboni Brain Teaser Trivia. Good Luck.

Which Yankee set a team record by hitting 23 triples in a season?

The answers will be in the comments section later today, if someone puts it there or we will post it.

What is all of this nonsense with Governor Patterson?

Long story short, the State law forbids officials in the executive branch from soliciting or accepting gifts of more than nominal value from any lobbyist if the gift appears intended to sway the official.

Since the The Yankees organization were registered lobbyists of the Paterson administration in connection with the financing of a new Yankee Stadium, they would fall into the law above.

So what could the beloved Governor do wrong?

Well, Patterson decided that he didn't feel like paying for Yankees tickets despite the law and ignored his top press aide's suggestion to pay for them. Instead Patterson told him that it was alright to just take the tickets and not pay. Brush it under the rug if you will. Most people who are not in politics would know this action under its most common name...stealing.

The commission is seeking fines of roughly $93,000, which is about $92,000 more than it would cost to just buy the tickets. You do the math.

We sure hope Gov. Patterson had a good time because, our very own reporter Pigeon [Carl Pigeonson] happened to be doing a story on Lobel's Steak Sandwiches, when he was called into action. He snapped the above photo's of Patterson living it up while at the stadium.

While at the game Carl also reported that Patterson didn't pay for the Hot Dogs, Garlic Fries, Cotton Candy, Foam finger, T-Shirt, toilet he broke, Cracker Jacks, Italian Ice, Pizza, Peanuts, Soda, ice cream with sprinkles in a helmet, replica bat, seat cushion or soft pretzel.

Quick Side note: It is very important to recognize your employees, so we would like to congratulate Carl Pigeonson on his promotion to Senior Reporter Pigeon.

Look out below.

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